Case Study #8 / Readability
Readability Rewrite: From Academic to Accessible
A financial advice article had a Flesch score of 12 (college graduate level). After simplifying sentence structure, the score improved to 68 and engagement tripled.
Editorial Brief
| Element | Value |
|---|---|
| Content type | Blog post / Educational article |
| Intended reader | Adult beginner learning about retirement savings |
| Primary question | How much should I save for retirement? |
| Desired action | Use the retirement calculator |
| Target reading level | Grade 8-10 (Flesch 60-70) |
Original Draft (Excerpt)
Determining Adequate Retirement Accumulation
The determination of adequate retirement accumulation necessitates comprehensive evaluation of numerous variables, including but not limited to: anticipated post-employment expenditure patterns, projected longevity trajectories, anticipated healthcare expenditure requirements, and anticipated social security benefit allocations.
Furthermore, the utilization of tax-advantaged accumulation vehicles, including 401(k) plans and Individual Retirement Arrangements, facilitates optimization of accumulation trajectories through employer matching contributions and tax-deferred growth mechanisms.
Word count: 85 words (2 sentences, average 42.5 words each)
Flesch Reading Ease: 12 (very difficult, college graduate+)
Initial score estimate: 28
Problem: Academic language, long sentences, passive voice, jargon without explanation.
Key Revisions
What Changed
- Sentence length: 42-word average → 14-word average
- Replaced jargon: "Retirement accumulation" → "How much to save"
- Active voice: "The utilization of" → "Use"
- Added examples: "If you make $50,000, aim for $5,000/year"
- Added subheadings: Broke content into scannable sections
- Added bullet points: Lists instead of dense paragraphs
Revised excerpt:
How Much Should You Save for Retirement?
Figuring out how much to save for retirement depends on a few things: how much you spend now, how long you'll live, healthcare costs, and Social Security.
Here's a simple rule: Save 10% to 15% of your income. If you make $50,000 a year, that's $5,000 to $7,500.
Use Tax-Advantaged Accounts
Start with your 401(k), especially if your employer matches. It's free money. Then consider a Roth IRA for tax-free growth.
Revised word count: 420 words (down from 680, but clearer)
Flesch Reading Ease: 68 (standard, 8th-9th grade)
Estimated revised score: 82
Results
After 4 weeks:
- Time on page: 45s → 2:40
- Scroll depth: 35% → 78%
- Calculator clicks: +210%
- Comments/questions: 3 → 24
- Social shares: 12 → 89